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CHALLENGES > TPP Challenges > Saturday Night Drabbles

Characters: Cho Chang, Hermione Granger, Lucius Malfoy, Severus Snape
Genre(s): Humor, Drabble/100-Word
Warnings: None
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How to Stop a Dark Lord
by blue artemis
T (PG-13)

Ron was sick and tired of being the sidekick. Enough was enough. He was the youngest son, but then he got followed by Ginny, so he didn't get to enjoy being the baby for long. Even though he had the best kiss of his life with Hermione during that final battle, she wasn't willing to put up with his philandering like a good girl, so she dumped him.

Then there was George. Did he appreciate the fact that Ron left his promising career as an Auror to help him out? No. He only saw him as a pale imitation of Fred. Even his mother forgot his name half the time.

Harry. Harry was supposed to be this big savior. He was supposed to help Ron attain his dreams. But no. He had to be content with his wives and his new career as a wand-maker. At least Ron got a new wand out of it. But for Merlin's sake, who knew that both the Potter and Black lines required separate wives. Harry was lucky Ginny and Luna were friends to start out with; it could have been awkward otherwise. Bah. Harry had everything. He always did.

Ron started thinking that his whole life went wrong when Hermione dumped him. And why did she do that? I know why. It is because she is a Muggle-born. She doesn't understand that a wizard has needs. She wasn't willing to let me shag her; she was more worried about her parents. Why should she care what happened to those Muggles? They were the ones who taught her that a man should be faithful.

That thought got Ron going. He figured that if Voldemort could get everything he ever wanted by telling the pure-bloods what they wanted to hear, then he really should be able to get some followers by pointing out how messed up the Muggle-borns were. They didn't accept those wonderful pure-blood traditions that favored wizards. They were the reason that witches were so powerful in society. For Merlin's sake, he couldn't even get a shag from anyone anymore. All those damn witches wanted to be pampered; it wasn't enough that they got to say they shagged one of the Golden Trio.

That Friday night at the pub, Ron started going on and on about Muggle-borns and how they had subordinated true pure-blood ideals and traditions through the witches. Harry had let everyone down by stepping down from his post as Head Auror, also caused by witches. (He forgot that one of those witches was his sister, apparently). Someone should do something, take over the government, enact new laws that would forbid any Muggle-borns from entering the Wizarding World unless they agreed to live by the rules and traditions handed down by the ages. Most of the pub ignored the prat, but there were a few, those few that had always liked to find a bone to pick with something, and preferring strife to peace, who looked at each other and smiled. The bartender saw what was going on and decided it needed to be stopped before something untoward happened.

She went back into her office and threw some powder in the floo. "Malfoy Manor, Hermione's office!"

"Hi, Cho! What can I do for you?" Hermione Malfoy-Snape asked her friend.

"Honey, Ron is going crazy. He's blaming Muggle-borns, especially Muggle-born witches for all the wrong in his life. He says someone should overthrow the government and make everyone follow traditions. You know he means having a witch or three on the side and his wife not saying anything. There are a few wizards in here eating it up. If he keeps this up we are going to have a new Dark Lord on our hands." Cho really was upset. She had dated Ron for a while, then dumped him when she found out he was cheating on her with Lavender. That was how she ended up friends with Hermione; they had commiserated over the cad.

"Don't worry, Miss Chang. Mr. Weasley will be taken care of," a deep voice resonated from somewhere behind Hermione.

"Thank you, Headmaster Snape. I appreciate it!" Cho went back to the bar, certain that Ron would not be a problem.

"Lucius, we need to stop this pup before he gets rolling."

"I agree, Severus. He's still bitter that Hermione chose us over him."

"I'm still here, you know. Yes, we need to stop him. Hmm. Lucius, why don't you devote the next issue of The Daily Prophet to the new upcoming Dark Lord. Interview his ex-girlfriends, his ex-friends—heck, even his family. It should make people stop and think a bit before following him."

"That is a good idea, love. Why don't you write an article for me, and send it to the offices as soon as you are done? And Severus, you come with me on the way to the press building."

The two men left Hermione in the Manor, happily writing an article on Ron's philandering ways. They had flooed their reporters to get the story, then Apparated to Cho's pub. They’d walked in and found Ron expounding his theories with a circle of some very familiar faces surrounding him, listening raptly.

"You know, Severus, I see quite a few business contacts here that will no longer be so tomorrow. I can't do business with people who support this drivel. It seems some cannot learn from past mistakes!"

"I agree, Lucius. Maybe the issue of The Daily Prophet following the Ronald Weasley issue should expose these idiots for what they are!"

Hearing that their businesses were about to go up in smoke, most of the wizards there slunk out quickly, realizing that they had to let go of their dreams of another Inner Circle, due to the opposition of Snape, Malfoy, and most especially the former Miss Granger.

Ron stopped talking just long enough to realize that his audience was gone.

"Hey! What did you scare them off for? I was enjoying their company! Damn greasy git and rich ponce, don't ever want to let me have fun. Even stole my girl."

"Come on, you ginger-haired menace. It is time to face the most frightening thing you can think of!"

"No! No, you can't make me!"

"Oh, yes, we can!"

The two men dragged the idiot boy over to the floo, threw in the powder and called out, "The Burrow!"

Once there, they explained everything that had happened to Molly and Arthur.

They were quite certain they could still hear the yelling from Wiltshire. The next day, after the paper came out, detailing all of Ron's pecadilloes and restating his new-found philosophy, they were absolutely certain they could still hear the yelling.

"What did you two do?" Hermione asked the next morning, looking at the smug faces on her husbands.

"We took him home to his Mummy. It will be difficult for him to be the next Dark Lord if he is grounded!"

Prompt by beaweasley2: Twenty Years after Voldemort there is another wanna be 'great dark lord' that wants to bring wizards out from the shadows, wants to make Muggles cave and bow down to wizards by any means necessary... Lucius and Severus, having had enough of that - twice - take action. What do they do?

Thank you to Battle of Lissa for the beta!

How to Stop a Dark Lord by blue artemis

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