Alone

It’s so hard-

To be alone.

It’s my greatest fear.

To be utterly, completely-

Alone.

Needing to be held,

Told I’m not bad,

Not evil,

Good.

Worthy of Association,

Friendship,

Maybe even Love.

Needing to know-

I make an impact,

A difference.

I matter.

But instead-

Simply alone.

Millions surround,

All around.

Crowding, pushing, shoving-

Being tossed about,

Dragged along-

By the current-

Flowing around me,

But not through me.

Faces pushing close all around.

I recognize many.

But only one-

Acknowledges me.

But not as I wish.

Instead, the way I need.

A Friend.

A REAL friend.

No lies.

No ulterior motives.

Simple, pure, REAL-

Friendship.

Someone to trust,

And confide in-

Finally.

But still-

The others point and laugh,

Whisper things I cannot hear,

But I know are not good.

What to do?

What to say?

Don a mask.

Smile and laugh,

While the tears rain down,

Behind the mask.

Behind their backs.

Never let ‘em see you cry.

Never.

Never lose control.

Talk yourself-

Into believing-

I want to be alone.

This is my choice,

Lie to yourself.

It doesn’t hurt-

So bad . . .

LIAR!!!!!

It eats at you.

It tears you apart-

Inside.

Silently.

Painfully.

Inexplicably.

Insidiously.

Turning simple sadness-

Into depression,

Then anger.

Finally self-hatred,

And self-destruction.

Unless-

You made a promise,

To a special someone.

Then you continue on-

In pain.

But forever bound,

By word and conscience,

To suffer.

Alone.

Yet,

Not alone.

I have a friend.

That special someone

Who cares about me

Not what others say

Not what others think.

A strong pillar

On which I can lean.

Someone

Pure of heart and intention

A light in the dark.

Finally

I have someone

I am no longer

Alone.