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Moaning Myrtle's Mambo Number 5 (sung to Lou Bega’s Mambo #5) Chapter 1: Filk
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Moaning Myrtle's Mambo Number 5 (sung to Lou Bega’s Mambo #5)

1: Filk

Filk

Moaning Myrtle's Mambo Number 5 (sung to Lou Bega’s Mambo #5)

Chapter 1 of 1

dracontia

Summary: Moaning Myrtle. Mambo #5. Do I really have to go on? Good, clean, er, lewd fun!

Humor General Podcast Filk Challenge 688 Words 1 Chapter Complete
Reviewed

↓ See Reviews & Actions ↓

Moaning Myrtle’s Mambo Number 5 (sung to Lou Bega’s Mambo #5)

Filked by dracontia, may God have mercy on her soul

Based on Lou Bega’s Mambo # 5

Disclaimer: I don’t own Myrtle, the HP series, or Lou Bega. I would even be willing to bet that someone has had this particular idea before, so all my effort is really rather pathetic. And they don't have a warning for voyeurism...


Witches and Wizards, this is Moaning Myrtle’s Mambo Number 5!

(Instrumental—ie, splashing, gurgling, rhythmic plunger sounds)

One, two, three, four, five

I was in the girl’s toilet, just trying to hide

From those

Girls so cruel, I was stressed, when I died in the loo

Stuck with spots and specs fifty years, too

I’m depressed and I wanna weep

I got flushed deep, to snipe and creep

Hermione

brought in

Ron and

Harry

It gave me ideas—

Boys really aren’t wary

So here’s what I do for a change of scene in the castle

I get an eyeful without any hassle

My pipes also go to the boy’s loo

And I can get to

the Prefects’ bath, too!

Chorus:

A little bit of Harry’s cute backside

A little bit of Draco when he cried

A little bit of Ron (he’s sometimes mean)

A little bit of Terry getting clean

A little bit of Vincent, oh so tough

A little bit of Justin is enough

A little bit of Oliver here with me

Hogwarts’ hottest boys are mine to see!

AHH!

(Instrumental—see above)

Myrtle’s Mambo Number 5!

Swim up and down with a splashing sound

Take a look all around

Ooh, see what I found!

Take one peek left

And one peek right

Get a look at his front

And his bum’s nice and tight

I’m so inspired

I’ve got the notion

To haunt Snape’s lab

And steal a love potion

Chorus:

A little bit of Neville (he’s so sweet!)

A little bit of Ernie is a treat

A little bit of Blaise to make me sigh

A little bit of Dean I’d like to try

A little bit of George but not with Fred

(A dead girl takes what she can get)

A little bit of Cedric, here I am

Why won’t you come back and be my man?

(instrumental)

Ahh!

(instrumental)

(Splash!)

What was that?

Quit looking, Myrtle!

(tee hee hee hee!)

(instrumental)

A little bit of Marcus in dim light

A little bit of Theo late tonight

A little bit of Lupin (old, but hot)

A little bit of Snape ‘till I got caught

A little bit of Gregory (ooh, he’s strong)

A little bit of Percy (the prat is hung)

A little bit of Michael here’s my plan:

First of them to die will be my man

Why won’t you agree

to fall in love with a girl like me

You can't run and you can't hide

So there’s no point in being shy

Chorus:

A little bit of Harry’s cute backside

A little bit of Draco when he cried

A little bit of Ron (he’s sometimes mean)

A little bit of Terry getting clean

A little bit of Vincent, oh so tough

A little bit of Justin is enough

A little bit of Oliver here’s my plan:

First of them to die will be my man

Yeah, someone’s gonna get it in the last book—

Might as well do me some good!

(sound of flushing)


Author’s Note: Myrtle and I both like to watch. If you’re inclined to sit there feeling squicked and muttering, ‘TMI,’ just think—poor Tempest had to read this first. It’s not even as if it has any grammar to check. I just asked her to do the impossible task of double-checking if this even remotely fits the flippin’ tune. Which it does… remotely…

And, for the record, it’s bloody hard to come up with lyrics that fit the first part of Mambo #5. The real lyrics barely fit the tune.


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Latest 25 Reviews for Moaning Myrtle's Mambo Number 5 (sung to Lou Bega’s Mambo #5)

13 Reviews  |  6.77/10 Average

10/10

mick42

       I just love the way your mind works.

Response from dracontia (Author of Moaning Myrtle's Mambo Number 5 (sung to Lou Bega’s Mambo #5))

My mind works? *scritch* Thanks for that insight!

Response from dracontia (Author of Moaning Myrtle's Mambo Number 5 (sung to Lou Bega’s Mambo #5))

My mind works? *scritch* Thanks for that insight!

0/10

sunny33

a little bit of dracontia writing stuff,
a little bit of Jarvey swearing fluff,
a little bit of filking in the sun,
a little bit of humour, lots of fun!

Response from dracontia (Author of Moaning Myrtle's Mambo Number 5 (sung to Lou Bega’s Mambo #5))

LOL! You need to write a filk. We need someone besides JJ & me in that category. :D

10/10

andyourbirdcansing

LOL!!!... hahahaha that was awesome... and the song is so Myrtle... =P

Response from dracontia (Author of Moaning Myrtle's Mambo Number 5 (sung to Lou Bega’s Mambo #5))

*beams* Thank you! (gotta figure if ANYONE knows about guy watching... it's our favorite pervy and pervasive ghost! :D )

0/10

Brisinggammen

Loved the line with Percy. Great filk!

Response from dracontia (Author of Moaning Myrtle's Mambo Number 5 (sung to Lou Bega’s Mambo #5))

Thank you! (Wouldn't it be fun to gossip with Myrtle? I think folks are missing the boat, not cultivating her prying and spying potential!)

10/10

Maddy Riddle

The filking was good, but I blame you for sticking Mambo #5 in my head! How I'm supposed to go to sleep with that song going on and on around my head. (Yeah, I know it quite well as it was the song used in one of my favorite TV shows. *growls*)

Response from dracontia (Author of Moaning Myrtle's Mambo Number 5 (sung to Lou Bega’s Mambo #5))

Yay! You're back! *hugs**sheepish* Well, as long as we both have the same song stuck in our heads, shall we dance?(I know, they're not dancing, but it's... kinda close)

Response from Maddy Riddle (Reviewer)

Yay!

*grabs the lovely author and starts dancing with her pirueting around the room*

Hope I don't step on your foot too much... "kinda close to dancing" is the only I can do.

Response from dracontia (Author of Moaning Myrtle's Mambo Number 5 (sung to Lou Bega’s Mambo #5))

LOL Well, I would pretend that I knew how to dance well enough to lead, but there are about a hundred people from the masquerade ball at Phoenix Rising who can testify to the contrary! *sighs wistfully at failing to live up to fanfic!Draco's reputation as a good dancer**bows over lovely partner's wrist* Thank you for the dance, Milady! (My dancing skills may be sub par, but never let it be said that my manners are!)

10/10

cenicienta

LOL

Here I am dancing with the music. I went to YouTube and I was reading along with the song, imagining Myrtle’s voice, bathroom noises... just delightful! Great work! If you want to try the music here is the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WsjevQ7ZtCc

Response from dracontia (Author of Moaning Myrtle's Mambo Number 5 (sung to Lou Bega’s Mambo #5))

Thank you for the review, and for the link!(Now, if only the YouTube video had our Hogwarts guys, dressed in an inadequate selection of soapsuds, instead of the dancing girls...  )

10/10

SS Lupin

I love what goes on in your demented mind, Professor.This was a brilliant filk!<I>Yeah, someone’s gonna get it in the last book—Might as well do me some good!</I>Hahaha.... with the body count awaiting us, maybe there's a new genre to think of in HP fanfic: ghost!fic?

Response from dracontia (Author of Moaning Myrtle's Mambo Number 5 (sung to Lou Bega’s Mambo #5))

Just call me Professor Demented. CoolThank you, my dear partner-in-crime! And um, I hope that song doesn't get stuck too severely in your head... *watches the Ghostfic suggestion tremble like a plot bunny egg about to hatch--or a plot bunny bomb about to detonate...*

10/10

karelia

*Falls over laughing* That is definitely a very original filk!!!

Response from dracontia (Author of Moaning Myrtle's Mambo Number 5 (sung to Lou Bega’s Mambo #5))

Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it. *still bopping around a bit to the music* 

8/10

JustJeanette

BWHAAAAAAAAA. Brilliant.

Response from dracontia (Author of Moaning Myrtle's Mambo Number 5 (sung to Lou Bega’s Mambo #5))

Response from dracontia (Author of Moaning Myrtle's Mambo Number 5 (sung to Lou Bega’s Mambo #5))

You can claim not to be a 'professional' filker until the crack of doom, but you're still the authority on filk in this neck of the internet. (Does the internet have appendages?) So your laugh means something! Thank you!

10/10

femmefatale

haha this is crack-up- your choruses really make it for me ;)

Response from dracontia (Author of Moaning Myrtle's Mambo Number 5 (sung to Lou Bega’s Mambo #5))

Thank you! (And speaking of the choruses, with the current state of canon, I'd say that Myrtle now officially actually has a shot at Fred. You go, girl!)  :-D

0/10

MMADfan

This filk made me laugh! It also gave me a few images I could have done without! :D

Response from dracontia (Author of Moaning Myrtle's Mambo Number 5 (sung to Lou Bega’s Mambo #5))

LOL Lemme guess... Percy? *wink* Thank you for reviewing--I'm glad you enjoyed it!!

10/10

artyx80

I love it. It's great, funny, lovely...did I say great? :)

Response from dracontia (Author of Moaning Myrtle's Mambo Number 5 (sung to Lou Bega’s Mambo #5))

Thank you! And, on behalf of Myrtle, I'd like to say that I think you're praise has managed to do something that all that peeping failed to--make her blush!

0/10

moepi

"A little bit of Percy (the prat is hung)"oh gosh eeeepwhat a waste I prefer hippogriff!Severus myself Yummycheers MoepiAKA Michèle

Response from dracontia (Author of Moaning Myrtle's Mambo Number 5 (sung to Lou Bega’s Mambo #5))

I reckon the attitude came from somewhere Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for the review!

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